The Power of Active Listening in Team Conflicts: Moving from Conflict to Conversation

We’ve all seen it—two people in a heated team discussion, both locked in their positions, and neither really *listening* to the other. Instead of seeking to understand, they’re formulating their next argument, trying to prove why the other person is wrong. It’s a frustrating cycle, and I’ve witnessed it time and again in teams, often escalating conflict rather than resolving it.

I’m here to tell you, this is where things can start to shift, and it begins with active listening.

The Common Bad Patterns That Fuel Conflict

When emotions run high, and disagreements take center stage, we often fall into unhealthy communication patterns without even realizing it. Here are some common behaviors that tend to fuel conflict, especially in teams:

1. Thinking About What to Say Next, Instead of Listening

One of the most destructive patterns I see is when team members stop truly listening. When someone is more focused on how to respond or defend themselves, they’re no longer present. They’re already forming their rebuttal before the other person has even finished talking. It becomes a game of verbal tennis, where the goal is to win, not to understand. This often leads to defensiveness, and worse, the other person can feel dismissed or unheard, escalating tensions.

2. Non-Verbal Violent Communication

Communication isn’t just about words. It’s also about what we do when we’re not speaking. I often tell teams that rolling your eyes or crossing your arms can be just as damaging as saying something hurtful out loud. Body language speaks volumes, and when someone in conflict gives off non-verbal cues like:

- Rolling their eyes

- Sighing loudly

- Looking at their phone

- Turning away from the speaker

It sends the message that they’re not interested, don’t care, or worse, think the other person’s points are ridiculous. This can make an already tense situation even more combustible.

3. Name-Calling and Dismissive Language

Verbal attacks like “You don’t know anything,” “You’re always wrong,” or “This is just like you!” are destructive. When we resort to name-calling or belittling, we strip away the other person’s dignity, and in return, they’re likely to respond defensively, intensifying the conflict. Even more subtle, dismissive language like “Whatever” or “It’s not that important” can trigger a negative emotional response.

How Do We Move From Conflict to Conversation?

Now, the big question—how do we move from conflict to a productive conversation, especially when it feels like the situation has already spiraled? In my experience working with teams, it all starts with **active listening** and a few essential shifts in mindset and behavior.

1. Pause and Breathe

I always encourage team members to take a pause. When we’re in the heat of the moment, our bodies go into a fight-or-flight mode, which makes it harder to hear someone else’s perspective. Taking a few deep breaths allows us to calm down, break the reactionary cycle, and create space to listen. It’s simple but powerful. Pausing can defuse a lot of the tension before it boils over.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

I often ask teams to practice listening with one goal: understanding. This requires setting aside the urge to jump in with your counterpoint or argument. Instead, focus fully on what the other person is saying, and make it clear that you’re hearing them by reflecting back what you’ve understood. Phrases like “What I’m hearing you say is…” or “It sounds like you’re feeling…” can completely change the tone of a conversation and show the speaker that you’re genuinely engaged.

3. Watch Your Non-Verbal Cues

One of the things I emphasize with teams is becoming aware of their body language. Are your arms crossed? Are you avoiding eye contact? Even subtle cues like nodding, leaning in, and maintaining eye contact can go a long way in showing the other person that you’re listening. Sometimes, it's these little shifts that can make people feel seen and heard, de-escalating the conflict.

4. Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Accusations

Instead of saying, “You always do this” or “You never listen,” I encourage team members to reframe their language using “I” statements. For example, “I feel frustrated when I’m not given a chance to share my ideas.” This subtle change shifts the focus from blaming the other person to expressing your own feelings and needs. It also opens the door for dialogue, rather than shutting it down with accusations.

5. Set an Intention to Solve, Not to Win

Lastly, I always remind teams that the goal is not to win the argument. When conflict arises, it’s easy to forget that you’re all on the same team, working toward the same goal. Setting an intention to find a solution or middle ground can shift the entire dynamic. I encourage team members to ask themselves, “What outcome do I want from this conversation?” More often than not, it’s collaboration, not confrontation.

Final Thoughts

Active listening may sound simple, but it requires practice and intention, especially in moments of conflict. In teams, conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. With the right tools, we can shift from conflict to conversation, creating space for everyone to feel heard and understood. And when we do that, our teams become stronger, more cohesive, and better equipped to tackle challenges together.

It all starts with listening with intention.